Whether it’s a teammate at work or a child at home, helping others to improve can be frustrating, especially when they don’t respond to consequences…and maybe push your buttons.
Today’s guest has spent decades working with thousands of families with strong-willed children. Kirk Martin is the founder of Celebrate Calm and host of the Calm Parenting Podcast.
On this episode of The Clarity Advisors Show, he and host Ken Trupke look at the overlap between good parenting principles and good leadership principles and share practical tips to help you be a better parent…and a better leader.
Timestamps
(01:26): Origins of Celebrate Calm.
(04:52): Turning it into a business.
(07:41): Evolution of the product and the team.
(10:47): Misconceptions about strong-willed kids
(16:55): Escalating our own problems.
(23:35): Importance of validation.
(25:08): Giving space to respond rather than react.
(26:20): Body posture.
(28:57): Performing under pressure.
(36:30): How strong-willed kids are like adults.
(38:31): Ways to learn more and contact Kirk Martin.
Episode quotes
“I loved my son, but I just spent all my time trying to change him. I thought he was the issue because he’s so difficult…until I realized he was just like me. I was the issue.”
“The quickest way to change your child’s behavior is to first control your own because we trigger each other all the time.”
“ADHD is pretty much a predictor of a really good entrepreneur.”
“With parenting strong-willed kids, so much of it is tone of voice. I wanted to do recordings because mom could listen, dad could listen, and they could get down the tone of voice to use with a strong-willed child.”
“It’s not like consequences keep us from making bad choices. Jails aren’t filled because people didn’t know the consequence of stealing or murder. They knew the consequence, but there’s usually something deeper going on.”
“This isn’t permissive parenting, where we’ll just let them do whatever they want. Not at all. It’s teaching because discipline literally means to teach.”
“There’s something about sitting that changes my tone of voice. Instead of standing in a cubicle over the employee or my colleague, if I come in and just sit, it changes something. It creates a different dynamic and you talk a little bit differently.”
“You don’t have to (react) in the moment. You’re the leader. If somebody’s in your office or on the phone and they bring something up, you can say, ‘Hey, I really want to give that the attention it deserves and I can’t do that right now. Let me consider it and give you a call back,” to buy yourself some time (to respond).” (Ken)
“Strong-willed kids aren’t great at childhood, but they’re really good at the adult world.”
Recommended reading and listening:
- Calm Parenting Podcast with Kirk Martin
- Forbes magazine interview with Kirk Martin
Connect with Kirk Martin:
